The First Time I Had Sex

He took off my tank top, then bra
Pried open the zipper of my cropped pants
And peeled my knickers layer by layer with his teeth
Till I stood naked, embarrassed.

When he suckled my breasts,
I imagined him drinking from the bowl of my heart.
I loved him, but words are nothing
Deeds mean everything –
I was doing it for love.

Between my legs he was hard and full.
I lifted my legs, created a cradle for him
Then said:
Don’t. Stop.

He heard don’t stop.
He lost himself in me, stretching, hurting me
Breaking bonds. I magically yielded.

My body broke to pieces, and scattered.
Rain fell, a benediction.
This is how sex is?
He was smiling, glowing –
I felt horrible, empty.

Evelyn, what have you done? I heard the voice of God.
“We didn’t do anything wrong,” Alex said.
You don’t do things that’re wrong, I told myself, because of love.

His heat seeped through my thighs.
We were not going anywhere together –
The sound of my heart breaking was the loudest.

The serpent lied to me, I told God

And I ate the apples…


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